And so I found that England is not Camelot at all. There are Knights alright and there is lots of dressing up. But the table is not round and most of the knights are kept well way from it. She sits at its head and there is no pretence of equality. “Looks like I need to know my place” I said to the Lady Fergie, my new best friend. “You better believe it” she replied with a scary smile.
“Did you learn to curtesy” Harry asked me early on. I viewed it on YouTube and the Lady May showed how. “You can’t bow too low” said Fergie, good for the back. “You may be a Duchess dear, but they’re ten a Penny. Better safe than sorry”.
Katherine was the model. I didn’t want to be her, God no, but I could learn from her. Smile a lot and grab a Prince’s hand. And bow of course. One day early on I asked her what she wanted out of life. “You mean apart from being Queen, and the mother of a King” she said. It sounds like a put down – it probably was.
Harry’s Dad is really a fictional character. “Is he for real?” I asked Harry. “Oh yes Megs “ he said “we quietly checked the DNA. My red hair’s a throwback – nothing to do with one of Mum’s suitors. Bit weird but that’s how it is.” Harry can’t stand him and it’s a stretch for him to be polite. The ‘stopped taking my calls’ wasn’t a joke.
If I was casting the soap opera I wouldn’t make the short list. Camilla (aka “Cruella”) is perfect in her role. Christopher Plummer auditioned for the consort role but Philip was just too perfect. And he had a British passport from somewhere. They’ve conveniently forgotten that, like me, he’s a foreigner. Meryl Streep offered to teach me to “Talk English”. – should I have done that?
So there we are. We are the villains and I’m about as popular as Wallis Simpson. My Duke’s in Santa Barbara not Paris but it’s more of the same. Wallis was the first Yankee in the Court. That didn’t go well. It’s not really looking that good for me either…