A Californian Yankee in Queen Elizabath’s Court

And so I found that England is not Camelot at all. There are Knights alright and there is lots of dressing up. But the table is not round and most of the knights are kept well way from it. She sits at its head and there is no pretence of equality. “Looks like I need to know my place” I said to the Lady Fergie, my new best friend. “You better believe it” she replied with a scary smile.

“Did you learn to curtesy” Harry asked me early on. I viewed it on YouTube and the Lady May showed how. “You can’t bow too low” said Fergie, good for the back. “You may be a Duchess dear, but they’re ten a Penny. Better safe than sorry”.

Katherine was the model. I didn’t want to be her, God no, but I could learn from her. Smile a lot and grab a Prince’s hand. And bow of course. One day early on I asked her what she wanted out of life. “You mean apart from being Queen, and the mother of a King” she said. It sounds like a put down – it probably was.

Harry’s Dad is really a fictional character. “Is he for real?” I asked Harry. “Oh yes Megs “ he said “we quietly checked the DNA. My red hair’s a throwback – nothing to do with one of Mum’s suitors. Bit weird but that’s how it is.” Harry can’t stand him and it’s a stretch for him to be polite. The ‘stopped taking my calls’ wasn’t a joke.

If I was casting the soap opera I wouldn’t make the short list. Camilla (aka “Cruella”) is perfect in her role. Christopher Plummer auditioned for the consort role but Philip was just too perfect. And he had a British passport from somewhere. They’ve conveniently forgotten that, like me, he’s a foreigner. Meryl Streep offered to teach me to “Talk English”. – should I have done that?

So there we are. We are the villains and I’m about as popular as Wallis Simpson. My Duke’s in Santa Barbara not Paris but it’s more of the same. Wallis was the first Yankee in the Court. That didn’t go well. It’s not really looking that good for me either…

2 thoughts on “A Californian Yankee in Queen Elizabath’s Court

  1. An alien has newly arrived to our planet from a faraway galaxy called Zog and gazed down upon the earth monitoring countries behaviour with advanced technology. She finds a tiny island in the Atlantic Ocean with many humans upon it to study.
    Zoggy is confused and struggles to understand the purpose of hierarchies that seems so dominant. Yes, there are elected presidents and prime ministers our Zog alien gets that and understands the people choose them by ballot as a form of government to create order.
    Alien Zoggy however has a problem. She does not have any clue for the purpose of these other seemingly ordinary people who live in large houses and castles, drive around in golden coaches pulled by white horses and wear strange clothes. Zoggy knows they create a lot of interest and people stand in the street waving little flags as they go past taking many photographs but what do they actually do? What is its purpose?
    The alien watches them and studies them with advanced surveillance but all they seem to do is shake hands with other people, go in and out of buildings and laze around all day.
    Its a mystery. Zoggy thinks one day the other people who work very hard are going to ask themselves why they need these strange old fashioned people and tell them to go away.


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